D-day

Apr. 5th, 2011 12:10 am
taleya: (Haunt you mofos)
Time to find out if I'm dead or not. Or indeed, if it was worth any of the past year at all.

See you on the flip side

D-day

Apr. 5th, 2011 12:10 am
taleya: (Haunt you mofos)
Time to find out if I'm dead or not. Or indeed, if it was worth any of the past year at all.

See you on the flip side

-_-

Nov. 8th, 2010 07:22 pm
taleya: (Default)
49.4kg

-_-

Nov. 8th, 2010 07:22 pm
taleya: (Default)
49.4kg
taleya: (Default)
Came bvack in hospital on tuesdat (26th)

Bad mucositis everywhere - worst in my throat and I couldn't eat or drink. Just wanted painkillers, found out it was a sore throat due to an infection akin to tonsilitis. Seeing as I have no immune system....back in for antibiotics I went. Pain was so bad I'm on 75mg of fetanyl and a morphine pump.

FML.
taleya: (Default)
Came bvack in hospital on tuesdat (26th)

Bad mucositis everywhere - worst in my throat and I couldn't eat or drink. Just wanted painkillers, found out it was a sore throat due to an infection akin to tonsilitis. Seeing as I have no immune system....back in for antibiotics I went. Pain was so bad I'm on 75mg of fetanyl and a morphine pump.

FML.

oh god

Oct. 25th, 2010 09:12 pm
taleya: (Default)
I'm home. I'm actually home.

Still not fully safe. Last time I was home less than a week before I ended up spending a fucking week in ICU with E.Coli sepsis, lactic acidosis and two different cellulitis infections. But yeah. I was fine to send home. Utterly fine. Compromised immune system? HA!

Yesterday I dared to go and sit in the sun for a bit. Someone shat in my room. Today I went insane with three hours to go and [livejournal.com profile] torasin had to come and calm me down. Seriously, I just snapped. So close and I couldn't stand it, it was just.....

Still not safe, still paranoid, but a thousand times safer. e.

oh god

Oct. 25th, 2010 09:12 pm
taleya: (Default)
I'm home. I'm actually home.

Still not fully safe. Last time I was home less than a week before I ended up spending a fucking week in ICU with E.Coli sepsis, lactic acidosis and two different cellulitis infections. But yeah. I was fine to send home. Utterly fine. Compromised immune system? HA!

Yesterday I dared to go and sit in the sun for a bit. Someone shat in my room. Today I went insane with three hours to go and [livejournal.com profile] torasin had to come and calm me down. Seriously, I just snapped. So close and I couldn't stand it, it was just.....

Still not safe, still paranoid, but a thousand times safer. e.
taleya: (Default)
it's near the end of a very long and brutal road, but I'm so tired
taleya: (Default)
it's near the end of a very long and brutal road, but I'm so tired

Day Leave

Oct. 16th, 2010 09:09 pm
taleya: (Fussy Turtle)
Had a day pass today. The doctor has finally realised that me being in hospital is actually more fucking damaging (especially psychologically) this time around than any benefits of the chemo could possibly be. So I got a day pass.

They tried to fuck me on getting back but I told them to stoke, bore and drive it home, I would NOT be back at 4, I would be back at fucking 6. I did not have the days chemo done at five fucking AM just to piss back to the ward early afternoon.

A bit pissed at older sister. She volunteered to give me a lift (very nice) but then decided she wanted coffee on the way home. That took half an hour to obtain. And pushed me getting home back to even later. That's nice and well but this is MY time with [livejournal.com profile] torasin you're burning, and I don't have that much that I can piss it up a fucking wall.

So I finally fucking got home and clambered into bed with a sleepy Mmyses. And kipped and chatted and broke up a couple rat fights, and then peered out the window and went "FUCK" because the greenhouse was on top of the rhubarb in the hops bed. Been some storms of late. As I have advised [livejournal.com profile] torasin, this is because I am Pudge, Controller of Weather and I have not been happy. (You want proof? I get out this morning, it's sunny, I'm late, it storms, shifting to outright HAIL. I'm home, it's sunny and fine and warm. I have to head back? It rains again.)

So I went out and fished out the greenhouse and put it in the garage and rolled the other greenhouse back home (hadn't toppled due to being hexagonal, but it had migrated somewhat) and broomed some hail off the solar shade before it broke. Later on, sunny and warm I puttered about with [livejournal.com profile] torasin, trimming some herbs back and hanging them for drying while he lounged in the sun and pondered his brewings.

We lounged, watched some simpsons, some sealab, mucked about outside, I did the dishes and had a bath. And generally did NOT think about hospital or the upcoming mouth rape that is going to occur and tried to relax.

I think it kinda worked, but god it hurt coming back. So badly.

Day Leave

Oct. 16th, 2010 09:09 pm
taleya: (Fussy Turtle)
Had a day pass today. The doctor has finally realised that me being in hospital is actually more fucking damaging (especially psychologically) this time around than any benefits of the chemo could possibly be. So I got a day pass.

They tried to fuck me on getting back but I told them to stoke, bore and drive it home, I would NOT be back at 4, I would be back at fucking 6. I did not have the days chemo done at five fucking AM just to piss back to the ward early afternoon.

A bit pissed at older sister. She volunteered to give me a lift (very nice) but then decided she wanted coffee on the way home. That took half an hour to obtain. And pushed me getting home back to even later. That's nice and well but this is MY time with [livejournal.com profile] torasin you're burning, and I don't have that much that I can piss it up a fucking wall.

So I finally fucking got home and clambered into bed with a sleepy Mmyses. And kipped and chatted and broke up a couple rat fights, and then peered out the window and went "FUCK" because the greenhouse was on top of the rhubarb in the hops bed. Been some storms of late. As I have advised [livejournal.com profile] torasin, this is because I am Pudge, Controller of Weather and I have not been happy. (You want proof? I get out this morning, it's sunny, I'm late, it storms, shifting to outright HAIL. I'm home, it's sunny and fine and warm. I have to head back? It rains again.)

So I went out and fished out the greenhouse and put it in the garage and rolled the other greenhouse back home (hadn't toppled due to being hexagonal, but it had migrated somewhat) and broomed some hail off the solar shade before it broke. Later on, sunny and warm I puttered about with [livejournal.com profile] torasin, trimming some herbs back and hanging them for drying while he lounged in the sun and pondered his brewings.

We lounged, watched some simpsons, some sealab, mucked about outside, I did the dishes and had a bath. And generally did NOT think about hospital or the upcoming mouth rape that is going to occur and tried to relax.

I think it kinda worked, but god it hurt coming back. So badly.

FML

Oct. 12th, 2010 11:53 pm
taleya: (Colbert - bowed and broken)
Back in hospital. And bonus glee, the second PICC line has ripped!

I am fighting tooth and nail against their idea of getting a replacement this time. Fuck them. Do the fucking cannula you cunts. I am DONE with you carving permanent scarring holes in me.


The granny next to me keeps making these absolutely fucking rip-snorting fantastic frapping blarting noises. I'm honestly not sure if they're sinus-collapsing snores, or cheek-flapping farts. They're bloody brilliant, either way. I bow down to the mistress. (all noise, no smell)

FML

Oct. 12th, 2010 11:53 pm
taleya: (Colbert - bowed and broken)
Back in hospital. And bonus glee, the second PICC line has ripped!

I am fighting tooth and nail against their idea of getting a replacement this time. Fuck them. Do the fucking cannula you cunts. I am DONE with you carving permanent scarring holes in me.


The granny next to me keeps making these absolutely fucking rip-snorting fantastic frapping blarting noises. I'm honestly not sure if they're sinus-collapsing snores, or cheek-flapping farts. They're bloody brilliant, either way. I bow down to the mistress. (all noise, no smell)
taleya: (Enterprise - button press)
So one of the infections that landed me in ICU and then abscessed and burst and was all horrible and gacky with the barley-sugar sized piece of hard, purulent flesh coming out in a chunk and right now you're writhing and screaming "TMI!!!" but suckit because you're not the one who's had to deal with a suppurating HOLE in your body has had a bit of a silver lining. Two weeks no chemo, and at least another week and a half. The doc finally pushed me too far and got reamed and is taking the opportunity to do PET scans, check where we're at and oh, I don't know, actually do his fucking job and work out where we're at instead of poisoning me willy-nilly.

This is not dramatics btw. Chemo is quite literally them filling your system with as many vicious, cytotoxic cell-killing poisons as possible and then hoping the cancer dies before you do. How quaintly medieval.

But yes, I have been home and have been letting myself heal before they go fuck me up again. Been spending as much time as possible working outside and getting filthy and sun-warmed. My garden beds are all turned and mulched and redone and pretty and new planter boxes of peas and zucchini are settling in nicely. Found Coles flogging 25l bags of mulch that is pretty much wheat straw and shit for $6, so ordered a ton for my veggies - so far I've identified cow, sheep and chook manure in there, so win win! (and I swear to god there was some roo shit in there too). The ornamental beds got the plain, bog-standard bark-based mulch. Spinach is coming up, basil everywhere, chives, lemonbalm, lettuce, roquette, zucchini, cucumber, eggplant, onions, potatos, corn, leeks, peas, tomatos, rosemary, sage....you name it, we're growing it. I'm not fucking around any more, last year was a pretty much "lessee what grows" - now it's a full production garden.

And [livejournal.com profile] torasin is planning on growing his own hops, so the side of the house is being prepared and I've already snagged him an automated watering system, tank and trellis wire :) (He's been informed he needs to buy his own shit. Quite literally)

Built a pull out cupboard (example) for [livejournal.com profile] torasin's beermaking supplies yesterday. Although the one I built him is a fuckload taller (2m) and wider, and made of Tasmanian oak. With moveable shelves, and instead of guide rails, one side with an MDF backing so he can shove it back. Which means that we can now move the couch out of his office and into the garage (he had his beermaking supplies stored in boxes under the couch). Which then means we can move the old comfy couch from the loungeroom into his office. And then have room for me to build that friggin' credenza. When I get the wood. And table saw. And money. Argh.

Today was spent cleaning out the garage and mulching and watering and trimming back the grass and bamboo. And sanding down the table and chair I swiped from hard rubbish back in April. Mqhele wandered over as per usual to nick interesting looking plants and have a natter, and ended up trading some paving tiles for a succulent, and a barrow full of solar powered LED lights I need to repair for him. [livejournal.com profile] torasin happily swept out the garage, bottled his latest brewing venture, tooled up and hunted down fish and chips, stained our lovely new table and my new wooden chair and went crazy with the whipper-snipper. The garden is finally starting to look like it should, and it was a lovely day we spent lounging under our repaired sail in our swishy restored outdoor area. I even managed to find time to clean the toilet and do the washing.

It's nice being in charge of own destiny and household stuff and just doing things that have been put on screeching halts due to the screaming clusterfuck my life has become.

Kylie Minogue once described chemo as "Like being caught in a nuclear explosion". She's full of shit. It's like being slammed by a train, and then being dragged, screaming, bleeding and crying along the tracks. And the train never fucking stops.
taleya: (Enterprise - button press)
So one of the infections that landed me in ICU and then abscessed and burst and was all horrible and gacky with the barley-sugar sized piece of hard, purulent flesh coming out in a chunk and right now you're writhing and screaming "TMI!!!" but suckit because you're not the one who's had to deal with a suppurating HOLE in your body has had a bit of a silver lining. Two weeks no chemo, and at least another week and a half. The doc finally pushed me too far and got reamed and is taking the opportunity to do PET scans, check where we're at and oh, I don't know, actually do his fucking job and work out where we're at instead of poisoning me willy-nilly.

This is not dramatics btw. Chemo is quite literally them filling your system with as many vicious, cytotoxic cell-killing poisons as possible and then hoping the cancer dies before you do. How quaintly medieval.

But yes, I have been home and have been letting myself heal before they go fuck me up again. Been spending as much time as possible working outside and getting filthy and sun-warmed. My garden beds are all turned and mulched and redone and pretty and new planter boxes of peas and zucchini are settling in nicely. Found Coles flogging 25l bags of mulch that is pretty much wheat straw and shit for $6, so ordered a ton for my veggies - so far I've identified cow, sheep and chook manure in there, so win win! (and I swear to god there was some roo shit in there too). The ornamental beds got the plain, bog-standard bark-based mulch. Spinach is coming up, basil everywhere, chives, lemonbalm, lettuce, roquette, zucchini, cucumber, eggplant, onions, potatos, corn, leeks, peas, tomatos, rosemary, sage....you name it, we're growing it. I'm not fucking around any more, last year was a pretty much "lessee what grows" - now it's a full production garden.

And [livejournal.com profile] torasin is planning on growing his own hops, so the side of the house is being prepared and I've already snagged him an automated watering system, tank and trellis wire :) (He's been informed he needs to buy his own shit. Quite literally)

Built a pull out cupboard (example) for [livejournal.com profile] torasin's beermaking supplies yesterday. Although the one I built him is a fuckload taller (2m) and wider, and made of Tasmanian oak. With moveable shelves, and instead of guide rails, one side with an MDF backing so he can shove it back. Which means that we can now move the couch out of his office and into the garage (he had his beermaking supplies stored in boxes under the couch). Which then means we can move the old comfy couch from the loungeroom into his office. And then have room for me to build that friggin' credenza. When I get the wood. And table saw. And money. Argh.

Today was spent cleaning out the garage and mulching and watering and trimming back the grass and bamboo. And sanding down the table and chair I swiped from hard rubbish back in April. Mqhele wandered over as per usual to nick interesting looking plants and have a natter, and ended up trading some paving tiles for a succulent, and a barrow full of solar powered LED lights I need to repair for him. [livejournal.com profile] torasin happily swept out the garage, bottled his latest brewing venture, tooled up and hunted down fish and chips, stained our lovely new table and my new wooden chair and went crazy with the whipper-snipper. The garden is finally starting to look like it should, and it was a lovely day we spent lounging under our repaired sail in our swishy restored outdoor area. I even managed to find time to clean the toilet and do the washing.

It's nice being in charge of own destiny and household stuff and just doing things that have been put on screeching halts due to the screaming clusterfuck my life has become.

Kylie Minogue once described chemo as "Like being caught in a nuclear explosion". She's full of shit. It's like being slammed by a train, and then being dragged, screaming, bleeding and crying along the tracks. And the train never fucking stops.
taleya: (Default)
Apparently my liver is starting to malfunction. They don't know why.

I'm so fucking sick of this....
taleya: (Default)
Apparently my liver is starting to malfunction. They don't know why.

I'm so fucking sick of this....

Fuck

Sep. 17th, 2010 08:17 am
taleya: (Default)
46.7kg

Fuck

Sep. 17th, 2010 08:17 am
taleya: (Default)
46.7kg

February 2016

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