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Oct. 6th, 2006 08:49 am( Don't bother reading this. I just...I just need to get this out somewhere. )
So. I'm up and down. Trying to distract myself. I'm not suprised, I wasn't stunned.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
torasin was hit harder because he tended to see her when she was more active. I was nursing her day in and out and just grabbing every extra second that we could together because she was fighting so hard. I knew how this was going to end. I've known it for a long time, the rest was just wishful thinking and hopes I knew were useless. I know they 'don't live long" and thank you so much for that bon mot mother dearest, You know, I'd been nursing a terminally ill rat for a month and had no idea that death happens, you know? Thank you for enlightening me!!
...shit.
She's at peace. It had to be done, I know that. But god I wish I could have spared him that. I just wish I could have spared James that so much. Yes, go on, say I'm a horrible person, whatever, I don't care. Hurting him like that upset me so much more than saying goodbye. It's the nature of things, to part, to say goodbye. But I wish with everything I am that I could have spared you that.
I'm sorry James.
So. I'm up and down. Trying to distract myself. I'm not suprised, I wasn't stunned.
torasin was hit harder because he tended to see her when she was more active. I was nursing her day in and out and just grabbing every extra second that we could together because she was fighting so hard. I knew how this was going to end. I've known it for a long time, the rest was just wishful thinking and hopes I knew were useless. I know they 'don't live long" and thank you so much for that bon mot mother dearest, You know, I'd been nursing a terminally ill rat for a month and had no idea that death happens, you know? Thank you for enlightening me!!...shit.
She's at peace. It had to be done, I know that. But god I wish I could have spared him that. I just wish I could have spared James that so much. Yes, go on, say I'm a horrible person, whatever, I don't care. Hurting him like that upset me so much more than saying goodbye. It's the nature of things, to part, to say goodbye. But I wish with everything I am that I could have spared you that.
I'm sorry James.
