Brilliant!

[taleya]

I am interested in your product and or service YOU PURPLE-ASSED ANTICHRIST. Please send me THE SEVERED HEAD OF ELMO MUPPET DIPPED IN CORN SYRUP which my mother put on pancakes that are evil cuz nobody never talks about pancakes in the Bible because John was in the Illuminati with Kennedy and DID YOU SEE the YELLOW flowers talking to her?

Yes! maybe no. Yes yes.

Spare change?



I'm going to use that as often as possible in response to nigerian scam emails in my gmail. *nod*

Comments

[satanicharisma.livejournal.com]

It's too bad spam is all pretty much automatic and the address forward to nobody. At least with a good telemarketer you can fire off some random frightening or unsettling or lewd gibberish that will amuse you, and maybe even them, before you cheerily disconnect.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

The way I answer my personal landline on the rare occasions I have a phone linked up to it does the job quite nicely, I've found

"Joe's pizza. You wanna pizza?"
"Polygamous fishslappers!"
"WHAT?"
"WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBERRRRRRRR"

[siamesegoth2.livejournal.com]

My personal favourite was Stratheden mental hopistal, ward 34, how may i help you?

My phone number was 2 digits off that hopsitals phone number, and the hospital only 3 miles away from us.

[siamesegoth2.livejournal.com]

See thats why i miss the double glazing dales phone calls , from back home. spouting scary shit like that used to make me happy. Now i flail with a hearty fuck off in french. *melodramatic sigh*

Nothing makes a gal happier than to be able to band off in broad scots, at the arse wanks that wake you at 7.30 am and their teeny,chirpy and frankly digusingly unatural happy, hello!! im jean and i want to sell you a conservatory, despite the fact you live in a flat !!

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I love scots. (and not just because Im' marginally one) The best race in the world for screaming "You BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSTAAAAAAAARD"

I mean seriously. compare an american's "baastad!" to a scot bawling it out. Just doesnt' compare.

[siamesegoth2.livejournal.com]

Of yes, scotland has the best accent for insulting people, if you have ever seen billy connelly in full flow, then i need not expand on the topic. i just love how any insult in scotland is returned with
Aye? well fuck you too pal !! this is quickly followed by either a chib to the knees, or flipping the bird.

if it's the former you better hope you can run faster than the arsehole you just belted.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Oh fuck. Billy Connelly is one of the funniest bastards on the face of the earth. I'm still wondering why the fuck they didn't cast HIM as mad-eye moody. He would have been fucking brilliant

[siamesegoth2.livejournal.com]

Because no one exept us would be able to understand him, i have english family *snobs* who genuinly dont understand a single fucking word he says.

Is it wrong that i find him attractive? dammit im going to hell for that.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

...wtf?

*shies away from strange people*

then again, given the general mish mash in melbourne, it's got to be a pretty fucked accent for me not to understand past it...

[madscot.livejournal.com]

I love scots.

Glad to hear it :D

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Especially haggis and tam-o-shanter bearing ones :P

*ducks*

Hell, you know my surname...

[madscot.livejournal.com]

:D

Aye, lass, that I do :) I know where to send the coo which I find a suitable one.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

COOBEASTIE!!!

[gemnoire.livejournal.com]

I love scots. (and not just because Im' marginally one) The best race in the world for screaming "You BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSTAAAAAAAARD"

I mean seriously. compare an american's "baastad!" to a scot bawling it out. Just doesnt' compare.

Oh I dunno, as Eddie Izzard pointed out, the Northern (UK that is) Bastad definitly has something going for it.

Of course living in York, I may be biased.

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

Hello, National Rail Enquiries. Which stations are you travelling to and from, please?

[taleya.livejournal.com]

"National baby selling registry, are you after black, white or asian?"

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

Grantley Mental Asylum, Multiple Personality Ward; to whom are you speaking?

[taleya.livejournal.com]

hnuh hunuh hunuh...what are you wearing?

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

I saw a flower last week. It was nice.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

"Ya wanna sell me wha? Hang on, I'll git gramma."

*hand over mouthpiece*

"GRAMMA! GIT YER BEST DIAPER ON, WE'S GOT COMPANY ON THA PHOOONE"

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

And there were THOUSANDS of them! THOUSANDS of tiny, tiny little blue men all running around shouting "We can't find our hats! Where are our hats?" And then one of them produced a pointy stick and BANG! the sun burst and everybody got knocked over.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

And then....

*trembling tones, sotto voce*

and then...

*leaning in close to the phone and hissing whispers*

Then the saint bernards showed up

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

OMGZ YOU HAVE OFFENDED THE NAZI PANDA

ALL HAIL THE NAZI PANDA

SEE HIS MIGHTY BAMBOO GOOSESTEP

SEE HIS BROWN SHIRT MADE OF BARK

SEE HIM GOING OVER THERE TO TELL HIS MUM

...the world shall never rest easy in their beds again.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

oooh the nazi pandas, nummy nazi pandas, they taste like ladyfingers just like ladyfingers

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

Salt n' Shake makes me happy, momma.

Nurse, the rectal thermometer and a sledgehammer for the man in Bed 27, please...

[taleya.livejournal.com]

You know, next time I get an unsolicited call, I'm just going to read this thread out to them,

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

I think it's wise *nods*

[gemnoire.livejournal.com]

Who DARES disturb my dark slumber...

It's a classic but effective