(no subject)

[taleya]

Man, the thoughts you have.

It's very hard to make a post like this on LJ without sounding like an attention whoring drama queen. Fuckit, gonna do it anyway.

I have spent the past two weeks very slowly (and quite loudly in some cases) going out of my mind. Not drama queening, not faffing about, going bat shit fucking insane from stress. It's gotten to the point where torasin has freely admitted on more than one occasion that he's getting seriously worried about me.

I sat, and I waited for news, waited to make a phone call, watched some buffy, and did a lot of thinking. A lot.

It's times like this you really find out who your friends are. Or at least ones who can be bothered to make some sort of reasonable simulacrum thereof. It got me thinking about a lot of things. And it got me quite angry about a lot of things. Not the flash, stressy anger, but the cold, calculating anger that only about two of you have ever seen, and you've both freely admitted it scares the shit out of you.

Some of you I have been there some of the worst times in your lives. And I seem to have become...a disposable resource. The one time when I really needed people, when all I needed was a "hey", something, anything to cling to... Your silence speaks for itself. And I freely admit that I should have seen some of the signs earlier, but hey, denial is a wonderful thing. But I'm done with it. I'm done with all of it. I've been pushed to a place where I've been few times in my life, beyond the drama and the faffing and what you think are big thoughts, and onto the plateau where you cut through the bullshit and see things as they are.

I've heavily purged my flist. Some people may be surprised - you shouldn't be. Some of them are journals that just aren't updated. And some are people that are empathic vampires. People I've supported, tried to make things easier for through thick and thin...but eventually you reach the point where it stops. I can't be a one way conduit any more. And I won't.

It's time I stopped wasting resources and took care of my own.

(people I only have superficial relationships don't need to worry. Superficiality is a game in and of itself, and I expect nothing more than random giggles at stupid pictures)

Comments

[moltare.livejournal.com]

I expect nothing more than random giggles at stupid pictures

Happy to oblige:

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but you never update, so what's the point? I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED A REGULAR FIX, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs* Don't worry. You're definitely entitled to this sort of post!

Are you okay? And Onion?

[(Anonymous)]

(For the love of... *kicks stupid connection*)

*HUGS* You're well and truly entitled to feel like that! I'd probably do the same.

How are you feeling? And is Onion okay?

[snowgrouse.livejournal.com]

*squish* I sincerely hope you get that holiday soon. Stress is like poison for the brain, gah.

[alchemon.livejournal.com]

One of these days, we should really catch up and do something.

In the meantime, to hopefully help with the stress, have some virtual hugs.

*lotsa hugs*

[eh-eh-ehh.livejournal.com]

:( Just because I'm not on LJ a lot anymore doesn't mean I don't care about you.

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

Huh. I know *that* feeling. Here's hoping things get better for you soon.

[jagwire.livejournal.com]

Not drama queening at all. You're allowed to get pissed off at morons. It's something I indulge in occaisionally myself :p

No news about little Miss Onion yet?

[the-dagda.livejournal.com]

Do what you have to, Taleya.

I'm sorry I can't offer anything more than support, I hate that. I always feel like it should be more.

But if you need anything, we're here for you.

[chocobeans.livejournal.com]

I figured since this is the latest entry, I should make a comment here. I'm sorry about Onion. Please let us know how the results turn out.

Also, I'm well aware of how draining people are. I'm happy you've had the freedom to be able to take control of your life though. I can't offer any more than words, I'm afraid. I'd be happy to talk via AIM, if you'd like. We haven't had a good chat in a while since those damn time zones make things hard.

I hope things look up for you, love. I'd be happy to help how I can.

[madscot.livejournal.com]

I've only just seen the post about Onion. I've got everything crossed for you all.

I hope you know, you only need to ask, and if I can, I will.

You are one hell of a lady. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

[kyoshyu.livejournal.com]

Recalling your recent posts, life seem to be a bitch to you these days. Can't blame someone for trying to spank the heck of the bitch She is...

I kind of abandoned LJ...

[kintarooooo.livejournal.com]

And, yeah, it's hard to interact with TF being dead, and LJ being a big static net.

Take care of yourself.

[vash3g.livejournal.com]

i understand girl. Stress from fucktards and other fun things(like illness) take a hell of a toll. But you have to remember that you have Torasin who loves you and so many of us who would love to come make you happy. Hope you feel better soon!

[nicodeimus.livejournal.com]

Oh-ho, Jesusfuck, you have no idea how happy I am that my username is still there. And what with, y'know, not being here, I've been a pretty shit friend recently.

*pouncecling* Thanks, man.

Hey lookit, something shiny *pandas*