(no subject)

[taleya]

I am starting to come apart at the seams

THey won't let me go home this time, because they're tight on beds and it's too bloody inconvenient for them. So they have me stuffed in a medihotel, which at the moment means smaller than a fucking ward, less privacy and with a room full of men capable of raping me.

I am having severe issues right now. I can feel myself fucking destabilising. They're taking away my ability to say no, I'm chained to IVs most of the time, I can't move cant fucking do things, have to piss in a fucking PAN because they're measuring my output and get asked fifteen fucking times a day the most personal questions (WHY YES I HAVE TAKEN A SHIT RECENTLY. THANK YOU FOR ASKING LOUDLY IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY AND A WARD FULL OF COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGERS)

They have taken away my ability to say no. They have taken away my control. I don't have to tell most of you what that means to an abuse and rape survivor. They have made me their bitch, and I can't stop it.

I'm supposed to be able to get a day pass in this place. I need it. I need to be home, I need to be safe. I need to be somewhere I have some modicum of control, that I know I can relax, that I know won't hurt me. I can't sleep here, I can't eat properly, the only time I'm fucking sane is when James is here because he's the only one I trust in the way I need to right now. The nurses keep trying to make friends with me and I don't fucking trust them and they're coming across as creepy as fucking hell. I don't have any privacy, or any rights or ANYTHING AND I AM GOING INSANE

I need to be home, even for just one fucking day. I'm beyond going postal. If I had a gun right now the first thing I'd do would be put it in my own mouth and pull the trigger. I can't go on like this. I can't.

Comments

[siamesegoth2.livejournal.com]

*Fierce hugs* Christ I am so fucking sorry that you're in a shitful place and position like that, I hope you get out of it soon even if it's just for the day.

[sevenjetc.livejournal.com]

They have no fucking sense all around the world. We went to visit a friend in hospital, there are 4hours in the whole day when you can visit a person. And of course the fucking nurse came to ask him if he took a shit that day in front of three female friends, one male friend and the girl that he has been dating for like 6weeks...I could see how embarrassed he was.

I hope you'd be able to go home soon. It sucks that you cannot even have room of your own:(

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

christ hun. I can't even conceive of how awful that must be. I hate hospitals enough already, and I've only ever overnighted.

*massive hugs and good vibes* from here. I wish I could do or say more, but it would sound trite.

But yeah. Thinking about you every day lately, hoping you're getting well.

Talk to you soon hey?

T

[w-a-i-d.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I so hope it gets better soon.

[madscot.livejournal.com]

*hugs x a million* I wish I could spring you from that hell-hole. I have no idea why they think this is acceptable. I hope you get at least a day pass soon. I'd give anything to be able to do something about it.

[cutebutpsycho99.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about all of this and all I can offer you is good wishes from here and hopes you can get home soon.

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know it isn't much, but it's all I've got. I'm so sorry it's so stupid on top of all the other bullshit.

It never ceases to amaze me how hospitals are supposed to be there for making you better, and then they do everything they can to do the exact opposite. They kept telling my dad he needed to sleep, then they would come in every 2 hours to wake him up. He finally told them off after not getting any sleep for almost a week and they let him sleep through the night.

Co-ed housing? SERIOUSLY? That's just beyond fucked up.

[muggy-mountain.livejournal.com]

That's heavy. Just...let James love you. I don't know what else to say.